My brother thinks he's a chicken-We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs

I'd like to meet the person who invented sex and see what they're working on now.

Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.

I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.

Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.

Poverty makes people sub-human Excess of wealth makes people inhuman

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

Budget: a way of going broke methodically

I cannot say that I don't disagree with you.

Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.

I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Don't let the fear of the thorn keep you from the rose.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.