It is impossible to design anything that is foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

Don't let the fear of the thorn keep you from the rose.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

What have future generations ever done for us?

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

If you are not having fun you are doing something wrong.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out.

You will be a great entrepreneur if you operate with a real sincere wanting to serve.

If you don't break a hole through the brick wall, don't just start digging a new hole. Keep going until you break through that wall.