Life is a four-letter word.

If you're going to stop masturbating, you can't taper off. You've got to quit, cold jerky!

To say whatever nonsense comes into your head without any repercussions has got to be a bigger high than heckling a movie screen in a darkened theater.

What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.

If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer.

Trying to figure things out was my gig. Without the human condition, there's no struggle, no pain and that means no laughter.

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

I am influenced by every second of my waking hour.

You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth.

Never trust a preacher with more than two suits.

There are never enough I Love You's.

Alright, let's admit it, we Jews killed Christ - but it was only for three days.

Anyone who has two shirts when someone has none is not a christian.

The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is.

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

There are no dirty words, only dirty minds.

Faith is to the human what sand is to the ostrich.

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

I think it's about time we gave up religion and got back to God.