I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

True contentment is not having everything, but in being satisfied with everything you have.

Cats are put on earth to remind us that not everything has a purpose.

With age comes wisdom, but sometimes age comes alone.

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man.

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.

The only one you need in your life is that person who shows you he needs you in his.

A pessimist is somebody who complains about the noise when opportunity knocks.

To look at a thing is very different from seeing it.

To define is to limit.

Don't be discouraged if your children reject your advice. Years later they will offer it to their own offspring.

Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping.

We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.

They've promised that dreams can come true - but forgot to mention that nightmares are dreams, too.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

A good friend will always stab you in the front.

I have a simple taste, only the best.

What fire does not destroy, it hardens

Two men look out a window. One sees mud, the other sees the stars.