They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck

It's not easy to take a sitcom and turn it into a feature.

Your services might be as useful as a barbershop on the steps of a guillotine.

Marketing is what gets you noticed.

Nope, I don't enjoy work generally. Not because I'm lazy; it's just all so stressful and worrying.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

The path of my life is strewn with cow pats from the devil's own satanic herd!

I have always worried about things more than I should.

I want to express myself differently. I have a performing inclination.

I'm not a naturally funny man. I find that I can only be funny if I become someone else.

That awesome moment when you’re fucking happy and you don’t know why.

It’s a bit disconcerting being treated like Madonna.

Is your body from McDonald’s? Because I’m loving it.

I tend to be quiet and introspective

Excellence is not an act but a habit.

Don’t get emotionally attached to anyone.

Life is short just do what makes you happy.

Birthdays give you another year to be Fabulous.

If you want to be strong learn to live alone.