I want to express myself differently. I have a performing inclination.

Look, if I'd wanted a lecture on the rights of man, I'd have gone to bed with Martin Luther.

I like to juggle with one ball at a time. Then I put the ball down and do nothing for extended periods of time.

It's not easy to take a sitcom and turn it into a feature.

Your services might be as useful as a barbershop on the steps of a guillotine.

Marketing is what gets you noticed.

Nope, I don't enjoy work generally. Not because I'm lazy; it's just all so stressful and worrying.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

The path of my life is strewn with cow pats from the devil's own satanic herd!

I have always worried about things more than I should.

I'm not a naturally funny man. I find that I can only be funny if I become someone else.

They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck

That awesome moment when you’re fucking happy and you don’t know why.

It’s a bit disconcerting being treated like Madonna.

Is your body from McDonald’s? Because I’m loving it.

I tend to be quiet and introspective

Excellence is not an act but a habit.

Don’t get emotionally attached to anyone.

Life is short just do what makes you happy.