I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same. - Mitch Hedberg quotes

I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same.

Author: Mitch Hedberg

See all Mitch Hedberg Quotes

Mitch Hedberg Quotes - Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

Author: Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg Quotes - If you can't sleep, count sheep. Don't count endangered animals. You will run out.

If you can't sleep, count sheep. Don't count endangered animals. You will run out.

Author: Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg Quotes - If 13 is unlucky, then 12 and 14 are guilty by association.

If 13 is unlucky, then 12 and 14 are guilty by association.

Author: Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg Quotes - I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way too literal for me.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way too literal for me.

Author: Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg Quotes - The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

Author: Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg Quotes - When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly.

When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly.

Author: Mitch Hedberg

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