I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that. - Mitch Hedberg quotes

I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.

Author: Mitch Hedberg

See all Mitch Hedberg Quotes

Mitch Hedberg Quotes - I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way too literal for me.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way too literal for me.

Author: Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg Quotes - The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

Author: Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg Quotes - When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly.

When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly.

Author: Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg Quotes - A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

Author: Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg Quotes - I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.

I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.

Author: Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg Quotes - Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Author: Mitch Hedberg

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