I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like,

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait".

Author: Mitch Hedberg

See all Mitch Hedberg Quotes

Mitch Hedberg Quotes - I know people who believe in ghosts but don't believe in themselves.

I know people who believe in ghosts but don't believe in themselves.

Author: Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg Quotes - Sometimes I get really lonely. Especially when I'm throwing a Frisbee.

Sometimes I get really lonely. Especially when I'm throwing a Frisbee.

Author: Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg Quotes - I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

Author: Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg Quotes - I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.

I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.

Author: Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg Quotes - Is a hippopotamus or just a really cool Optimus?

Is a hippopotamus or just a really cool Optimus?

Author: Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg Quotes - I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

Author: Mitch Hedberg

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