I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty. - Johnny Carson quotes

I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.

Author: Johnny Carson

See all Johnny Carson Quotes

Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.

Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.

Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.

Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.

Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.

Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto. Usually a mop or a leaf blower.

Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak.

Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak.

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

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