I intend to live forever. So far, so good. - Steven Wright quotes

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Author: Steven Wright

See all Steven Wright Quotes

I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.

I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said,

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?

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