Since the past is unreal and the future is unreal, all your thoughts are about nothing.

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

Nothing belongs to me. Everything comes and goes. Serenity is an open door.

We never make a decision. When the time is right, the decision makes itself.

When we question our thoughts, we see that the craziness was never in the world, but in us.

The world is what you believe it to be, and it changes as you change.

When you realize that every stressful moment you experience is a gift that points you to your own freedom, life becomes very kind.

Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you.

Happiness is the natural state for someone who knows that there's nothing to know.

Everything that happens is God's will. When you realize that, you're home free.

When you become a lover of what is, the war is over.