No matter how often I tell people I'm thirty-nine some of them refuse to believe I'm that old.

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

I practice three hours daily on my violin so I won't get worse.

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early.

A rich man is one who isn't afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper.

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

It was helpful to be able to call a lawyer...it turns out, that not only did they help me, but they really helped the whole community.

If the only tool you have is a hammer, it's hard to eat spaghetti.

Most of the stress people experience comes from inappropriately managed commitments they make or accept.

You can fool everyone else, but you can't fool your own mind.

Anything that does not belong where it is, is an "open loop" pulling on your attention.

You don't actually do a project; you can only do action steps related to it.

The reason that deadline actually can work very well for you is what it forces you to do is make decisions.

Procastination is not about not doing is about not doing and feeling crappy.

You won't see how to do it until you see yourself doing it.