On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing.

On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing.

Lewis Grizzard

The simple but observable fact is that the more you love, the more you are able to love.

The simple but observable fact is that the more you love, the more you are able to love.

Trust your hunches... Hunches are usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level.

Trust your hunches... Hunches are usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level.

The only people who don't make mistakes are the people who don't do anything.

The only people who don't make mistakes are the people who don't do anything.

If you change nothing, nothing changes.

If you change nothing, nothing changes.

Success is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success.

Success is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success.

Let's all start walking more and driving less.

Let's all start walking more and driving less.

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.

Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.

Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.

They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.

They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.

Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good for myself.

Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good for myself.

When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?

When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?

Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.

Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.

If Love Were Oil, / I'd Be About a Quart Low.

If Love Were Oil, / I'd Be About a Quart Low.

Spring time is the land awakening.

Spring time is the land awakening.

There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.

There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.

I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.

I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.

If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I'm Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground.

If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I'm Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground.

I'd much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.

I'd much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.