Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good for myself.

Trust your hunches... Hunches are usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level.

The only people who don't make mistakes are the people who don't do anything.

If you change nothing, nothing changes.

Success is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success.

Let's all start walking more and driving less.

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.

Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.

They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.

On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing.

When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?

Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.

If Love Were Oil, / I'd Be About a Quart Low.

Spring time is the land awakening.

There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.

I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.

If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I'm Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground.

I'd much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.

There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.