Spring time is the land awakening.

Let's all start walking more and driving less.

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.

Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.

They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.

On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing.

Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good for myself.

When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?

Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.

If Love Were Oil, / I'd Be About a Quart Low.

There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.

I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.

If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I'm Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground.

I'd much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.

There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.

If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi

God bless Merle Haggard. He did all the things that Johnny Cash was supposed to have done.

Money doesn't grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.

Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.