Self-esteem is something you have to earn!

Our culture is so fixated on dying and going to heaven when the whole Scripture is about heaven coming to earth.

It's important that you all agree on what the parameters are and what you can accomplish - and not get pissed off or beat yourself up for what you can't accomplish.

I never know how much of what I say is true.

Sometimes you have to make your own opportunities, and that's why I'm on TV. I wasn't going to sit around anymore, waiting for the damn phone to ring. I had to create my own place - I've always done that.

When it's three o'clock in New York, it's still 1938 in London.

Humor disarms people. They don't feel threatened.

I wouldn't say I invented tacky, but I definitely brought it to its present high popularity.

Total contentment is only for cows.

The only thing Madonna will ever do like a virgin is give birth in a stable.

I made a pact with myself a long time ago: Never watch anything stupider than you. It's helped me a lot.

You have to think you're the greatest thing since sliced bread, but you have to know that you're not.

A lot of people say that my life is wasted on me because I could be a bigger asshole than I am, but I've chosen not to be.

Sometimes my brain goes on CD shuffle. You know, you put a bunch of CD's on and hit play and random things come out.

I always try to balance the light with the heavy - a few tears of human spirit in with the sequins and the fringes.

I try not to drink too much because when I'm drunk, I bite.

I feel like a million tonight - but one at a time.

My idea of superwoman is someone who scrubs her own floors.

Men's brains are smaller than those of women so they can fit into their penises.