Bob Hope Quotes, Thoughts and images

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties.

I like a President who tells jokes instead of appointing them.

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

You know you've reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

I don't know what people have against government; they haven't done anything.

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

I love flying. I've been to almost as many places as my luggage.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.

Laughter is therapy-an instant vacation.

I can still chase women, only downhill

Don't tempt me, I can resist anything but temptation.

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.

Welcome to the Academy Awards, or, as it's known at my house, Passover.

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

I don't know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.

Failure is the only thing I've ever been a success at.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands.

I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me.

You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.

Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning.

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.

My secret for staying young is good food, plenty of rest, and a makeup man with a spray gun.