Erma Bombeck Quotes, Thoughts and images

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.

Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shovelling while it's still snowing.

Success is outliving your failures

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.

Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your children.

Cats invented self-esteem.

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the young, and runs out for the aged.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

He who laughs.....lasts.

It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.

When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.

Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.

Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.