George Burns Quotes, Thoughts and images

I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.

Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.

People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.

I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old.

When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.

The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.

At my age flowers scare me.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

I'd rather be over the hill than under it.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.

Young. Old. Just words. Inside we feel like our shoe size.

I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else...I never lied better.

I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.