Harriet Lerner Quotes, Thoughts and Image

If we only listened with the same passion that we feel about being heard.

Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others.

If you want a recipe for relationship failure, just wait for the other person to change first.

Whole-hearted listening is the greatest spiritual gift you can give to the other person.

Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is to stop trying to be helpful.

Silence can pose a greater threat than the difficult truth.

Anxiety is extremely contagious, but so is calm.

Underground issues from one relationship or context invariably fuel our fires in another.

The miracle is that your children will love you with all your imperfections if you can do the same for them.

Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. You may never exceed his threshold of deafness.

Many of our problems with anger occur when we choose between having a relationship and having a self.

Differences don’t just threaten and divide us. They also inform, enrich, and enliven us.

Your children are not little mirrors reflecting back the good or bad job you've done.

The first world we find ourselves in is a family that is not of our choosing.

The happiest people are focused on living their own life (not someone else's) as well as possible.

We all fear change, even as we seek it.

If you pursue a distancer, he or she will distance more. Consider it a fundamental law of physics.

No book or expert can protect us from the range of painful emotions that make us human.

Don't count on the power of your love or your nagging to create something that wasn't there to begin with.

Feeling essentially superior to other people is as sure a sign of poor self-esteem as feeling essentially inferior.

You can't evaluate a prospective partner if you insulate your relationship from your family and friends and his.

Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.

The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself.

We'll always be disappointed if we believe that we can plan for a peak experience and make it happen. True joy can't be anticipated or planned. It just strikes.

the body, seeking truth, sends a signal. But decoding it, interpreting its meaning, and knowing how to proceed from there is another matter entirely.

We will be in tune with our bodies only if we truly love and honor them. We can't be in good communication with the enemy.