Jim Gaffigan Messages
Best 10+ Jim Gaffigan Messages, Quotes, and Images
It's strange how interesting your dreams are, but when someone tries to tell you their dream you're just like "WHATEVER! Why don't you send me an e-mail so I can delete it?"
Gyms are always packed. The only machine available is the one that simulates the gynecological exam. You know, the Sharon Stone machine.
Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.
Bacon is like the opposite of medicine. It's like, "Take that, Lipitor."
I like to think of bread as really bland cake.
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My brother always teases me about my forehead: 'I could eat off it!'
I never hanker after the past - I prefer to devote myself to new tasks.
In our society, marriage is not simply a governmental institution; it is a religious institution as well, today's decision might change the former, but it cannot change the latter.
Building community is to the collective as spiritual practice is to the individual.
The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.
I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.