Kinky Friedman Quotes, Thoughts and images

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

Poly means more than one, and ticks are bloodsucking parasites.

Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

When a stray animal crosses your path, it may be as close to God as you're going to get in this lifetime.

I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.

Whether your destination is heaven or hell, you always have to change planes in Dallas.

God created whiskey to keep the Irish from taking over the world.

Golf is the only opportunity that middle-aged WASPs have to dress up like a pimp.

There's a fine line between fiction and non-fiction and I think I snorted it somewhere in 1979

I believe that Willy Nelson is the hillbilly Dalai Lama.

The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror.

Happiness is a moving target.

You don't accomplish much by swimming with the mainstream. Hell, a dead fish can do that.

The main health hazard in the world today is people who don't love themselves.

Well, I hate to be the one to take the flyswatter to Tinker Bell, but...

An editor's job is to take something great and make it good.

Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.

I've got a head of hair better than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you.

I never apologize for the truth. And the truth here is that racists come in many different colors.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

I'm going to lower the drinking age to eighteen. If you're old enough to die in Iraq, you're old enough to drink.

Man's ability to delude himself is infinite.

If you're lookin' for a helpin' hand, try the one at the end of your arm.

On the whole I prefer cats to women because cats seldom if ever use the word 'relationship'.

Seventeen publishers rejected the manuscript, at which time we knew we had something pretty hot.

I am not anti-death penalty, but I'm damned sure anti-the-wrong-guy-getting-executed.

True love usually results in a hostage situation.

What has six balls and screws Texans? The Texas Lottery.

Always respect your superiors, if you have any.

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

A happy childhood is the worst possible preparation for life.

May the God of your choice bless you.

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

There is a difference between who is important and who is significant.

My definition of an artist is anyone who's ahead of his time and behind on his rent.