Kinky Friedman Quotes

My definition of an artist is anyone who's ahead of his time and behind on his rent.

There is a difference between who is important and who is significant.

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

May the God of your choice bless you.

A happy childhood is the worst possible preparation for life.

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

Always respect your superiors, if you have any.

What has six balls and screws Texans? The Texas Lottery.

True love usually results in a hostage situation.

I am not anti-death penalty, but I'm damned sure anti-the-wrong-guy-getting-executed.

Seventeen publishers rejected the manuscript, at which time we knew we had something pretty hot.

On the whole I prefer cats to women because cats seldom if ever use the word 'relationship'.

If you're lookin' for a helpin' hand, try the one at the end of your arm.

Man's ability to delude himself is infinite.

I'm going to lower the drinking age to eighteen. If you're old enough to die in Iraq, you're old enough to drink.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

I never apologize for the truth. And the truth here is that racists come in many different colors.

I've got a head of hair better than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you.

Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.

An editor's job is to take something great and make it good.

Well, I hate to be the one to take the flyswatter to Tinker Bell, but...

The main health hazard in the world today is people who don't love themselves.

You don't accomplish much by swimming with the mainstream. Hell, a dead fish can do that.

Happiness is a moving target.

The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror.

I believe that Willy Nelson is the hillbilly Dalai Lama.

There's a fine line between fiction and non-fiction and I think I snorted it somewhere in 1979

Golf is the only opportunity that middle-aged WASPs have to dress up like a pimp.

God created whiskey to keep the Irish from taking over the world.

Whether your destination is heaven or hell, you always have to change planes in Dallas.

I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.

When a stray animal crosses your path, it may be as close to God as you're going to get in this lifetime.

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.

Poly means more than one, and ticks are bloodsucking parasites.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.