Tim Allen Quotes, Thoughts and Images

If you don't decide where you're going, life will decide for you.

You don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress.

When somebody tells you they're not very smart, they're saying exactly the opposite.

A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

If it ain't broke, you can probably still fix it.

Man is the only animal to borrow tools.

Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.

Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?

The ego is like a kid in the basement: It's best to keep him busy.

Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.

Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.

As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

Dog's listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.

I love doing logos. I've been a graphic artist all my life.

In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.

I'm a creative guy, artistically with graphics.

Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.

Men aren't men until they can get to Sears by themselves.

There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.

Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom.

I'm sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.

While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.

I'm a very bad student, but a great learner.

My comedy is not mine. It's a gift. I'm not that smart.