If you want to kill time why not try working it to death.

If you want to kill time why not try working it to death.

Sam Levenson

You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.

You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.

The longest word in the world is

The longest word in the world is "a word from our sponsor."

If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.

If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.

Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late.

Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late.

The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.

The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.

Learn from other people's mistakes. Life is too short to make them all yourself.

Learn from other people's mistakes. Life is too short to make them all yourself.

Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.

Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.

The chaplain of the Senate does not pray for the Senate. He watches the Senate and prays for the country.

The chaplain of the Senate does not pray for the Senate. He watches the Senate and prays for the country.

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

The whole world is watching America, and America is watching TV.

The whole world is watching America, and America is watching TV.

Give your child a spanking once a day. If you don't know why, he does.

Give your child a spanking once a day. If you don't know why, he does.

Courage is walking naked through a cannibal village

Courage is walking naked through a cannibal village

We should not permit prayer to be taken out of the schools; that's the only way most of us got through.

We should not permit prayer to be taken out of the schools; that's the only way most of us got through.

People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed.

People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed.

Just try to be happy. Unhappiness starts with wanting to be happier.

Just try to be happy. Unhappiness starts with wanting to be happier.

One of the virtues of being very young is that you don't let the facts get in the way of your imagination.

One of the virtues of being very young is that you don't let the facts get in the way of your imagination.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.

Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.