Women's clutches are too small. I open my purse, and with some hydraulic force, a tampon shoots 12 feet into the air.

I'll quit tanning when the satchel handle grows out of my back.

I feel like my mind is a little quieter when I exercise.

When I'm at work, I'm remembering what I forgot to do for the kids, and when I'm with the kids, I'm remembering what I forgot to do at work.

I work out every day. It's part of my life. That's one of the benefits of having kids in school full-time.

If you're a waiter and you're waiting on me, you might get five percent, you might get seventy percent. It depends on how bad my math skills are that day.

I had a picture-perfect childhood.

It makes my makeup artist's life easier. [Plus] it makes my eyes look a little more open on TV, which is where I happen to work right now.

I get paid to make out with the hunks!

I think I have a disease called spontaneous disclosure. I need to tell everyone my life story instantaneously.

I always remind my kids, "I'm your parent, but I'm a human being, too, so I may not be perfect."

I'm not a prettier everywoman. I am an everywoman that they clean up awfully well for T.V.

My job affords me the luxury of having help. I don't feel exhausted, I feel lucky.

If I win, it's because of my natural ability and if I lose, it's because I wasn't trying so hard.

I try to make my heart beat out of my chest, hard-core, once a day for at least a half hour. I think that's very important.

If there's cheesecake in the house, I'll have some.

I had a picture-perfect childhood. My parents were like June and Ward Cleaver; there was nothing dysfunctional about them.

I think children are like pancakes. You sort of ruin the first one, and you get better at it the second time around.

I'd rather not have a moment when I'm known for my looks; being funny and interesting lasts longer.