Bette Midler Quotes

It's important that you all agree on what the parameters are and what you can accomplish - and not get pissed off or beat yourself up for what you can't accomplish.

I never know how much of what I say is true.

Sometimes you have to make your own opportunities, and that's why I'm on TV. I wasn't going to sit around anymore, waiting for the damn phone to ring. I had to create my own place - I've always done that.

When it's three o'clock in New York, it's still 1938 in London.

Humor disarms people. They don't feel threatened.

I wouldn't say I invented tacky, but I definitely brought it to its present high popularity.

Total contentment is only for cows.

The only thing Madonna will ever do like a virgin is give birth in a stable.

Self-esteem is something you have to earn!

I made a pact with myself a long time ago: Never watch anything stupider than you. It's helped me a lot.

You have to think you're the greatest thing since sliced bread, but you have to know that you're not.

A lot of people say that my life is wasted on me because I could be a bigger asshole than I am, but I've chosen not to be.

Sometimes my brain goes on CD shuffle. You know, you put a bunch of CD's on and hit play and random things come out.

I always try to balance the light with the heavy - a few tears of human spirit in with the sequins and the fringes.

I try not to drink too much because when I'm drunk, I bite.

I feel like a million tonight - but one at a time.

My idea of superwoman is someone who scrubs her own floors.

Men's brains are smaller than those of women so they can fit into their penises.

I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me.

If you pick up a ukulele, it will make you unbelievably happy.

The worst part of success is to try to find someone who is happy for you.

Enough about me. What do you think about me?

I'm the last of the truly tacky women. I do trash with flash and sleaze with ease.

Cherish forever what makes you unique, 'cause you're really a yawn if it goes.

People are not the best because they work hard. They work hard because they are the best.

If only I'd known my differentness would be an asset, then my earlier life would have been much more manageable.

I firmly believe that with the right footwear one can rule the world.

If you can accept your differentness and learn to love it and encourage it, then you can be someone wonderful.

I have my standards. They're low, but I have them.