Groucho Marx Quotes, Thoughts and Image

Be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

If you are not having fun you are doing something wrong.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

It is impossible to design anything that is foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

What have future generations ever done for us?

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Don't let the fear of the thorn keep you from the rose.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.

Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.

My brother thinks he's a chicken-We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs

I cannot say that I don't disagree with you.

Budget: a way of going broke methodically

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

Poverty makes people sub-human Excess of wealth makes people inhuman

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.

Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.

I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.

Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.

I'd like to meet the person who invented sex and see what they're working on now.

Whatever it is, I'm against it.

In any relationship, the woman has control, the clever ones don't let the men know.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Patience is the art of finding something else to do.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.