Lenny Bruce Quotes, Thoughts and Image

There's a lot of money in wars, except in the war on poverty. Can't make any bread helping the poor.

I think it's about time we gave up religion and got back to God.

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

Faith is to the human what sand is to the ostrich.

There are no dirty words, only dirty minds.

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is.

Anyone who has two shirts when someone has none is not a christian.

Alright, let's admit it, we Jews killed Christ - but it was only for three days.

There are never enough I Love You's.

Life is a four-letter word.

Never trust a preacher with more than two suits.

You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth.

I am influenced by every second of my waking hour.

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

Trying to figure things out was my gig. Without the human condition, there's no struggle, no pain and that means no laughter.

If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer.

What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.

To say whatever nonsense comes into your head without any repercussions has got to be a bigger high than heckling a movie screen in a darkened theater.

If you're going to stop masturbating, you can't taper off. You've got to quit, cold jerky!

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it.

My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in bed with her.

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.

If there was absolute freedom, people would run over babies and charge admission.

A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.

When you're eight years old, nothing is any of your business.