Phyllis Diller Messages
Best 20+ Phyllis Diller Messages, Quotes, and Images
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Doctors say it's okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.
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Now the only decent way to get something done is to get it done by somebody who quite likes doing it.
To learn one must be humble. But life is a great teacher.
Nothing is more unjust or capricious than public opinion.
There are no atheists on turbulent airplanes.
The more one thinks the more one feels the hopeless immensity of man's ignorance.
I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.