Jack Benny Messages

There's only five real people in Hollywood. Everyone else is Mel Blanc.

Everything good that happened to me happened by accident.

Try to save something while your salary is small; it's impossible to save after you begin to earn more.

Any man who would walk five miles through the snow, barefoot, just to return a library book so he could save three cents - that's my kind of guy.

When another comedian has a lousy show, I'm the first one to admit it.

I was born in Waukegan a long, long time ago. As a matter of fact, our rabbi was an Indian.

I'm an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.

I was going to buy my girl a Packard car for Christmas, but it took too long to deliver, so I bought her some handkerchiefs.

Gags die, humor doesn't.

I feel responsible for Johnny Ray's success. See many years ago I asked him to be on my show and he asked for a lot of money and I cried. And he stole that from me.